Portrait ads in the mag are nothing new. But now that every pocket has a camera in it, these poses are the usual suspects.

Words and Illustrations by Adam Creagan

OTHER THAN Guy Mariano and a few other Comeback Kings, when someone falls off the pro-skating radar for an extended period, it’s usually a permanent leave of absence. So, in between the blood and sweat that pro-level skating requires, getting random non-skate photos lets the world know you’ve still got a pulse. Portrait ads can do the trick and, of course, the internet offers infinite opportunities for shitty snapshots. Here are some of the usual suspect poses.

(In fairness, there’s only so many things you can do when a camera’s aimed at you, and none of these poses are even remotely unique to pro skaters only. So, these apply to you and every other rat-faced weirdo.)